It is the season once again and I find myself wondering where time has gone. So much in my life has changed and yet I feel as though only my age is different. This time last year I found myself in the sunshine state, on Hillcrest Ave. in Pasadena, surrounded by homes of architectural fame each attempting to out do the other with a fantasia of colorful lights, decorated in patterns as consistent as the suburban streets, with just enough individuality to stand out without becoming outlandish. It was here I found myself wandering the sidewalks losing myself in an array of lights. Shades of blues, greens, reds, pinks arranged to compliment a festive sensation within passer bys. Of course I found myself enveloped in the beauty, transformed even by the mighty oak with auburn faded yellow leaves symmetrically spiraled beneath a string of classic yellow Christmas lights. Ironic how I can become so entranced by a performance, which I loathe so much.
In sociology one would call this the greatest human performance. Christmas lights present its greatest reflection, perfectly tended houses, each expressing a bit of individuality to escape a structured mundane reality, large hedges or picket fences being all that separates you from the private lives of neighbors, well tended and trimmed lawns ones own tamed piece of environment, themed and decorated to represent a world of paradise far from here. A place that from the outside is performed so perfectly, so beautifully one could never expect the complexities within. I have never found a place so separated from the place I have considered to be reality for most of childhood. I lived here for almost a year and like so many of our forefathers I felt as though I had settled I missed seeing the night sky filled with millions of distant stars so vast… a reminder of insignificance, I missed solitude, silence, the wild, and air; fresh clean air.
I found myself perplexed how could someone find peace in a place like this, how can you drive hours in traffic daily to attend a job that has no further path for you, how can you be comfortable with replacing family with nannies and private school, how can you substitute life for money and is that really it. The purpose of life. I guess what I am saying is when is enough enough, when do you make enough money, when to you buy enough, when do you supply enough, and when do you realize that your life is nothing but a small gear in a large machine designed to create structure and control. When do you choose to live for yourself? Self-ish the creation of a life geared around things that within your “self” manifest in happiness, passion, love and life. For if there is one thing that I have found is that through the pursuit of happiness in ones self you inspire happiness within others, and in taking responsibility of your own happiness you can eliminate anguish, fear, uncertainty and hate that is so easily manifested in blame. What a peaceful world it could be if we all took responsibility of our own happiness.
But here I am finding the most serene beauty within these lights, there is something about a light so comforting and safe. So I ask what would you like for Christmas? Snow? Family? Hot Chocolate? A warm fireplace? Love? I can think of nothing better than a warm velvet muzzle buried in the nape of my neck releasing its live warm breath into the cold chilling air.
